hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
