remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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