I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
