if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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