Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize