Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize