I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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