im having a threesome with these popsicles
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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