I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
