I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
