Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
