Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
