Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
