and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
