The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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