You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
