Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
