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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to use my car keys to open my door

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I just started a sentence with yellow.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

  Fav 35 1724 3572

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.

  Fav 26 1243 5916

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• (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

  Fav 82 11616 1998

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• 

  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...

  Fav 18 5279 1340

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

  Fav 13 4048 2750

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.

  Fav 2 1958 998

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• (206): View more from Washington

  she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think

  Fav 15 1914 1050

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• 

  These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.

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• (607): View more from New York

  IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.

  (1-607): View more from New York

  You're such a supportive sister.

  Fav 4 916 334

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.

  Fav 0 341 169

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