I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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