Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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  (248): i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both http://tfl.nu/4hk0
  Replies (9) Good night (2972) Bad night (849)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

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  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
  Replies (28) Good night (4837) Bad night (571)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

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  (614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers." http://tfl.nu/20g9
  Replies (6) Good night (1662) Bad night (532)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.

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  (508): just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life. http://tfl.nu/x7zq
  Replies (13) Good night (3985) Bad night (809)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

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  (443): he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it http://tfl.nu/sa3y
  Replies (52) Good night (1323) Bad night (6152)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.

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  (819): FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/3wga
  Replies (37) Good night (897) Bad night (5210)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.

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  (248): we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome. http://tfl.nu/309i
  Replies (8) Good night (3520) Bad night (1454)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?

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  (216): there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed? http://tfl.nu/x18l
  Replies (2) Good night (1670) Bad night (1504)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"

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  (720): I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship" http://tfl.nu/hte5
  Replies (14) Good night (1317) Bad night (623)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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  (941): I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies. http://tfl.nu/7vuv
  Replies (4) Good night (1409) Bad night (490)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes

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  (216): 5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes http://tfl.nu/ja2o
  Replies (8) Good night (1520) Bad night (617)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys

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  (512): We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys http://tfl.nu/ys3u
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (1069)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.

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  (319): If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine. http://tfl.nu/56iw
  Replies (2) Good night (508) Bad night (982)
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  (627): View more from California

  some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.

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  (627): some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/adi8
  Replies (9) Good night (1825) Bad night (324)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.

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  (603): seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed. http://tfl.nu/l8pu
  Replies (6) Good night (205) Bad night (362)

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