How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.