so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better