Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.