So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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