I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
