I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.