I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
