i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
