just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
