He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
