Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
