You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
