If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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