I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
