I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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