My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
