Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
