How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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