and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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