im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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