So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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