Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
