so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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