I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
