haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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