I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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