Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
