How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
my god I love twenty year old dicks
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
