Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
