I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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