every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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