If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
