toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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