I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
