I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
