Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
