yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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