i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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