i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
