oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
