my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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