i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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