It's Friday. Sex?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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