we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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