Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
