it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i came on her dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
