No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i think my cat just said my name.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
