Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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