I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
