From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
