Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
