Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
