Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have aggressive nipples.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
