just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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