dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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