Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
