K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
