Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I want a musical about memes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
