He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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