what day is it and did you see me today?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
