my mouth tastes like poor choices
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
