sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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