Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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