so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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