I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
