last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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