this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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