I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
