So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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