Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize