Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
