I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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