Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
