If that was your dad, he is hot
You can't motorboat a personality
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
