But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
