my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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