At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you would pick up someone in the library
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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