well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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