remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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