On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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