I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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