Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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