It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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