Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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