You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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