last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
